Creative Challenges

It’s been a few weeks of no posting content on YouTube and my attempts at spring cleaning and I am very proud to say that I have begun organizing this new website for launch and that I managed to not sleep over half the day like I have several times this week. I also managed to reorganize the furniture in my bedroom and so far a garbage bag full of plus sized ladies clothing will be going to donation.

I figured, since I’m on here and doing… stuff and things, that this is as good a time as any to dig into the interesting topic of creative blocks by sharing some of my own and realizations that I’ve gained investigating them. Hopefully, this post will inspire you to do a little critical thinking about blocks you may be experiencing whenever you come across this post.

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I sit here at 6 PM drinking a Strawberry Citrus Sparkling Ice energy drink and as I have been poking around ideas for this website and the channel; I feel myself being called to do the obvious, create content, but not for YouTube. You see, there has always been a drive and curiosity about showing the world around me; just filming everyday stuff and using that to tell a story. Just so happens that there are these things called film festivals and If I wanted to start working on getting in on that action I totally could. Trouble is, out of the million and one stories that I want to tell, not one of them is coming to mind to start storyboarding ( as if I don’t got a whole apartment to gut *eyeroll*)

The amateur filmmaker in me squeals with excitement at the challenge of trying to come up with a cool story to tell and is equally repelled by seeming weight of planning and responsibility that it takes to do something like this even semi-well for a film festival. The guerilla style shooting is very popular but I like my content to look a certain way so the phone thing for a whole film doesn’t quite work for me. Many kudos to those who can, but; it’s not for me.

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Either way, by the time this blog post sees the light of day the deadline for the film festival I was considering will have passed. I gotta admit though; knowing this annual film festival was coming up; I’m kind of kicking myself for not devoting an afternoon to just mind mapping ideas for this, but it brings me to a much more valid point about the work I do with Tarot on YouTube for the collective and some ethical, if not potentially existential issues with the part I play in the machine.

To put it ever so bluntly; I’m bored shitless. It’s not the narratives; collective energy is generally chaotic enough that the readings themselves stay pretty interesting, it’s the package that it’s delivered in. A very static video of shuffling and talking and sometimes like in that Cardinal signs video for Pisces season, even getting a little choked up. At the end of the day though; the format is pretty unchallenging, damn near everyone on YouTube does it, and I can’t do it anymore. So, I’ve been spending a lot of my energy just trying to re-imagine this aspect of my channel while pushing furniture around because I don’t feel inspired with the way it is. I can’t help myself, I need to feel at least a little bit challenged with my content creation and trying to help the algorithm see me isn’t a worthwhile one to pursue on the channel anymore for a multitude of reasons. So there is a block present being in this space of wanting to move forward but not being fully clear on how while still following my true north.

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I’m notoriously known for dropping things out of sheer boredom so because this is my baby, in a way, I can’t just ignore it and expect it to feed itself when it’s only 3 years old. If you weren’t aware, that’s bad parenting. That’s way too typical of crap behavior Aries folks are known for when it comes to projects too, and I’ve been working to change my own behavior regarding this. I’m either all in or Idgaf; no middle there and that isn’t exactly realistic to life. Plus, there’s no challenge in giving up so here we go again (I am an Aries Sun, I own it, lol).

So, in the most extra way possible; I am going to try delivering my readings in a different way. Reimagining my content so it truly fits the mold of Tia and not the cookie-cutter mold being pushed on Youtubers “for growth”. This is NOT a swipe at anyone in particular but may be a little bit of one at the culture that has been created in pursuit of “visibility” and “channel growth”. This directly translates to YT burnout both for creators and subscribers of all genres and intellectual theft among those either desperate enough to steal so they can be seen or unethical enough to steal in order to gain off someone else’s work because they’re too lazy to do the work themselves. From a business standpoint and a technological one; I get why things are the way they are and why they were created that way on YT; it’s very bottom line focused, but realistically; It kind of makes you a slave to the algorithm if you follow standard advice and protocol on growing your channel.

I’m no one’s and nothing’s slave. Having my entire life revolve around YouTube instead of pursuing a healthier approach of having YouTube revolve around my life is more appropriate. It’s also not energetically sustainable to keep at it the way I have been if I want to better incorporate a balanced lifestyle. Period. Life happens beyond the world of YT and that has to be addressed first even if the algorithm spanks me for remembering I’m human with real-world shit to deal with and not a cyborg.

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In addition to that; I actually feel like I am doing my subs a huge disservice by even buying into the binge culture and creating content with that goal in mind. I don’t want anyone to put things on hold, hanging on every word presented in a GENERAL tarot reading ( or any reading for that matter), or eating up time you should be investing in your own growth & goals by binging all my videos because you want to support me. This kind of goes against the way the platform is built. Not gonna lie; fully comprehending this about the YT platform genuinely makes me consider leaving it altogether and putting my content elsewhere. I swear I’m not trying to make this a bitch-fest about YouTube. But I’ve noticed some things I don’t like.

Don’t get me started about all the noise that notifications make. It reminds me of when I used to work at McDonalds in my early 20’s and how the first week all I dreamed about was the damn timers going off.

I turn notifications off for every app on my phone; they drive me nuts. Yet, I’m supposed to tell you to turn all of yours on?

Huh??

I will suggest notifications for my channel because I’m a smaller YT creator and my uploads don’t always follow a schedule, but I also suggest to set your YT notifications for a “daily digest”, turn off the sound, and go live your life. The video will still be there! That’s certainly what I do for the creators I watch and support. Hopefully with this site, I’ll be able to update you a little easier so you wont need the notifications or the host of other social media sites to reach me, and maybe, eventually, you wont need to go to YT for my content at all and can find it all here. I am hoping my community, all of you, can help me reach that goal. You can find out more about that over on my Ko-fi or submit a donation at the bottom of my website on any page you land on.

Hey, it’s not easy for me to ask for help, especially financial help, but that’s one of the ways I personally need to grow the hell up, so I’m asking, humbly.

In all seriousness though, It actually makes me incredibly uncomfortable to think that people who come across my content could get sucked into this type of codependence because it’s fundamentally unhealthy. So, in reimagining my content, this is something that is at the front of my decisions moving forward which will likely mean less content & frequency overall on the channel but improved quality of what I do upload.

After so many of us have basically been stuck indoors glued to a screen for a whole year ( some are still in lockdown and “that thing that shall not be named” is triggering new lockdowns even as I write this); I can’t allow myself to perpetuate the very things I’d advise my subscribers against doing. I want you to get outside, put your hands in some dirt, sit in the park and listen to the birds sing, go sit at the ocean or at your favorite spot in the forest. Be human.

I believe in leading by example so that means I gotta do that too. This is much more sustainable long term; promise.

Starting my channel wasn’t about necessarily being on the world stage and being an influencer or popular, even though this could happen, I don’t care about that, never have. I actually find it a little terrifying to be honest. It was to help other people see the light when their life feels it’s in a hole; in that sense, I am a wayshower. I’ve been in that hole and lived to tell the tale of everything it took to crawl out of it, choosing to let it make me better, not bitter, and renew my passion for life; many don’t make that choice or have that privilege, too many. They get in that metaphorical hole and suddenly we’re putting them in a literal one, and asking ourselves what the hell happened and why didn’t we see the signs something was wrong.

When’s the last time you asked someone if they were OK and meant it beyond a politically correct platitude? Better question; when’s the last time you gave a genuinely honest answer to that question when asked? Honesty in this dialogue eliminates the platitudes in modern day communications between people. That’s what I want to help get rid of. Don’t give me the judgey side-eye for calling out something that WE ALL DO. I do include myself in that “we”.

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Few address these energies in regards to spirituality and it needs to be more present in our conversations around spiritual growth, otherwise the many in the spiritual community are just full of shit and looking for a come-up; sorry not sorry, that’s my opinion. I know it’s a harsh one but telling someone “love & light” & ” think positively” is counterproductive to helping them get out of that darker energy; I know from personal experience. I also know from personal experience that it does exists so seeing people ignore it is that much more insulting. I needed peace, more than anything and practical advice & guidance on how to change my situation and It got to a point in seeking that guidance that I wanted to punch someone every time they said that shit to me; and that was before I started to actually “work” in the metaphysical and spiritual world; now it just makes me roll my eyes and I keep it pushin’. To each their own dude.

I will always wish you peace. The energies of love, starseed activation, light, positive thinking, manifestation, holding space… all of that happens as a natural result of pursuing peace in your life and removing the things that disturb it. Love alone will turn the most balanced character into a crazy person so I would go so far to say that peace is a much higher vibration than love is, but that’s a discussion for another time. I already know that discussion will get under some peoples skin. Point is, there’s little peace or love in darkness but there can be the illusion of a lit exit sign to something better when you are in the darkness. Everyone knows that your eyes play tricks on you in the dark.

Marinate on that for a bit; you’ll understand my irritation with the spiritual community in general, not tackling this head on. It is a bonafide issue, even more so now with the pandemic and so many losing so damn much.

The ” agents” are not always who you think they are, they come in pretty packages, cheerful dispositions, and will help you walk the path to your own demise disguised as signs, synchronicities, & channeled advice if you’re not privy to the differences in energy signature. I personally find it worse to have smoke blown up my ass that everything is fine in a reading than for a reader to tell me I’m screwing up, or that there’s a “snake” in my midst. Not every message that comes through will be positive, that’s not the way energy works and I take issue with people that project false light to those who are already vulnerable and there are a lot of vulnerable people seeking guidance on YT.

Which brings me to this point as well. Other content creators, especially larger ones, can copy my content but they don’t and haven’t lived my life so that mimicry will expose them; I wont need to. (Keep embarrassing yourself ma’am, I’m Gucci, you have a blessed day now.)

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I’ve been freelancing in marketing for several years now, I know how to get exposure, ethically, even in this climate of fruit fly attention spans and oversaturation. But it’s not what drives me to do this and success for me isn’t defined by how many awards or followers I get; it’s truly defined by how many people I helped by sharing my experiences. If I inspired you to take a leap where before you have hesitated, If some topic I discuss helps you get on path, or helps you take that first step to crawling out of the hole instead of continuing to dig deeper; that makes this venture called Paiges of Ascension a success, that’s a legacy I can get behind and that lives beyond me and my family name. Ask anyone who knows me in real life and they’ll even tell you that the bank is empty on the amount of fucks I give about popularity. I intentionally avoid making myself the center of attention; I don’t like it. My mouth often negates that effort though. They’ll tell you that too, lol.

Regardless, It’s not easy to put yourself out there, even though many will pass judgement on your perceived progress like it is (I’ll let the meme explain what those people can go do). —————————->

You can fall in popularity as quickly as you rise, sometimes quicker; popularity it’s not a stable metric to measure your success on. Your success on anything you invest yourself in hinges a lot more on why you are doing it in the first place. Will you still be satisfied with your actions when there is no one to observe you doing them? I will. I know where my heart AND my ego is at in pursuing this.

Even though my primary goal is the same as it was when I started Paiges of Ascension; I have evolved, which at the end of the day means the channel has to evolve too.

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Of course, I plan on talking about this more on my upcoming live but I also know how that can go when in the thick of it, having done one once before; nerves and all. Most likely, that live will be in the same format that they always have been since it’s live content. For pre-recorded content though….. the game has changed for me and my everlasting geekdom is without a doubt, going to bleed through. I hope y’all enjoy the switch up though. I know I’m going to have fun doing it.

Peace is Power, thru and thru.

Till next time

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